My response to a question about Twilight, which you probably shouldn't read if you enjoyed the books...

I was on the internets, insulting mainstream pop culture as usual, when the question arose: Why did I think twilight was so bad?

So here is my answer so far, in full. Bear in mind that this is the full text of my replies to two one-line questions. I feel kind of cruel and rubbish for jumping on the Twilight-sucks bandwagon, but I also feel smart for not resorting to caps lock and trolling.

Why did you think the books were so bad?

Like I say, I only read the first one.

It wasn't written very well- Stephenie Meyer isn't exactly adventurous in her phrasing or the words she uses. I've read a lot of young adult/teenage fantasy and it just isn't up to the standard set by things like Harry Potter or Discworld. I know it's not quite the same as Twilight is 'real world' not magical world, but it's still about things that are not real in this universe.

It doesn't really fit in with other vampire books- I understand it's a new take on vampires and everything, but there's a proper mythology that most vampire stuff sticks to (Interview with the Vampire, the Sookie Stackhouse books, Buffy etc) and it's kind of bizarre that someone effectively ignores all the things people imagine when they hear 'vampire' and still writes a story about it.

Bella is a Mary Sue, a character who is so generic and vague that literally every reader identifies with her- it's one thing having empathy, but a good character will be fleshed out enough that they become a separate entity to yourself in your imagination rather than you being able to project your own life onto them.

So there you go. Not a standard everyone should go by, by any means, but I was expecting something different from a vampire novel.

But is it not a good thing that it's so different? Do you not think its a fantastic love story?

Well, no actually. It could have been lovely, but it turned out as something I wouldn't want any daughter of mine to read.

Edward is possessive, jealous and manipulative. If I saw a friend of mine with someone like that, I would be worried that there was potential for domestic violence. Anyone who wants to control you or freaks you out with things they do (like his insanely fast driving) is not a good person to be in a relationship with. I know these are meant to be 'vampire' personality traits but they're really not something for young girls to look for in a relationship. You and I both know it's just a story, but it seems (from looking around on the internet in general) that a lot of people really do want their Edward. That scares me. Women have been fighting for so long to make sure girls don't grow up thinking it's okay to be treated like shit, and now this comes along and tells them the opposite- and they listen to that instead.

It is a good thing that it's not the same as other vampire novels, I can admit that. However, I would say that's because young people will be exposed to a wider range of reading material through picking up a teenage romance like Twilight rather than because of the content. A few of those kids might end up being into science fiction, historical fiction, horror... or reading anything they can. Getting more people reading is always a good thing really.


So there we go. Crazy feminist bookworm (who, incidentally, also disliked Twilight for the total lack of sexyness) reviews a book series based on about three-quarters of the first book. I should probably read the rest before I comment really, but OH WELL. The thing is, a lot of kids go apeshit crazy over this stuff, and it's basically Dan Brown with domestic violence. To be fair, I would have read it at fourteen and loved it, but at fourteen I also liked Rollin by Limp Bizkit and Orlando Bloom. Teenagers have shitty taste in everything. It's not fair to expose them to stuff that tells them abusive relationships are something to aspire to while you're feeding them trashy novels, they're already fucked up enough without that sort of thing.

I blame the Mormons.

Comments welcome as always, I most definitely welcome opposing views on the series or the views of people who managed to make their way through all the books. You can insult my goth-lite reading/fapping material if you like, I don't mind. You know I love a good argument. Then again, I already know that my own collection of vampire novels is nothing more than porn for girls like me who tread the line between nerdy and spooky (you know, like most of the vagina-owners reading this. Admit it. You LOVE Lestat).

Conclusion: I am worryingly proud of some words I posted elsewhere on the internet, where I was mean about something somebody else loves. Now I want you to tell me how cool I am for dissing Twilight just like all the fashionable people do.