Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Fundies make me want to cry

They really do. I've been collecting quotes from around the internets recently, and I thought I'd share the stupid. They're pretty funny, but they'd be funnier if it wasn't for the fact that these people breed quickly and force their shitty worldview on everyone else. I'll even put in a blogger's commentary for you.

“Swine 'Flu is an End Time disease made by Man and God will not let any Christian catch that disease.”

Um, right. Because influenza isn't a vrus that occurs naturally and evolves at all. Oh no, I mentioned evolution! Oh yeah and I'm pretty sure a lot of Mexicans are Catholic and a whole lot of people in Mexico died of swine flu. Oh but Catholics aren't Christian (I hear that a lot) and it makes perfect sense for a benevolent god to punish the beings it created just because it's bored of them.

“hetero - best choice (harder, difficult, less natural, more possibilites)
homo - less than best (easier, more selfish, more natural, biological children between partners are aborted before conception)”

Er, what? Biological children between homosexual partners are aborted before conception? You can't be aborted if you haven't been conceived, and thinking gay couples can make babies in the first place shows a worrying lack of brainpower. And this whole natural/not natural thing is the opposite way round to the normal homophobic rant. No idea what this one is on about.

“do you find it interesting that Hillary just invited the Russians to inspect our nuclear weapon stockpiles and Labs and feel free to ask any question they like about our nuclear Program that have to be answered by our scientists..

Humm very interesting......

Impeach the Bastards now traitor scum”

Random capitalisation ftw! Also, funny how it's bad to be friends with the Russians (who are officially on 'our side' now or something) but it's okay to be up the backside of the Saudi royal family as long as you're a shit-for-brains Republican president. Because that's different you see. And speaking about that kind of sickening hypocrisy...

“At the G20 summit in April 2009, Obama bowed deeply to Saudi King Abdullah, a Muslim who is also the Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques. Never before in the history of the U.S. has a president displayed such shocking deference to a foreign official and Obama has not bowed to any other royal leaders... Many liberals and even a handful of conservatives have proposed that President Bush also bowed before King Abdullah. However, there is a vast, inexorable difference between bending down to receive a medal as Bush did and bowing in deference to a foreign leader as Obama did.”

Oh Conservapedia, I love you. You're a constant source of fuel for my hatred. Personally, the only difference I see here is that Obama was adhering to the rules and Bush had been enough of a suck-up to get a medal. I'd rather Obama had told the Saudi king to piss off and stop being a sexist shitbag, but hey, he's not my president.

“A liberal (also leftist) is someone who rejects logical and biblical standards, often for self-centered reasons. There are no coherent liberal standards; often a liberal is merely someone who craves attention, and who uses many words to say nothing.”


“Abortion increases the risk of breast cancer, future premature birth, and other long-term health problems for the mother”

Ah. Now this is an interesting one. It actually depends on who you're comparing the women to. If you compare them to women who have carried a foetus to term, then part this is true, but it's shitty wording. A woman who has given birth (and probably breastfed, I can't remember and I'm not looking through my old course notes now) is less likely to develop hormone-related cancers. That's because hormone-related cancers in women, such as breast cancer, are sensitive to oestrogen, and progesterone is the pregnancy hormone keeping oestrogen from destroying your lady parts (albeit incredibly slowly). However, if you compare women who have had abortions to women who have never bbeen pregnant, the levels of hormone-related cancers are about the same. So yeah, depends how you look at it. The rest is bollocks though. Abortion only increases long-term health problems if it's botched, and of course that happens much more often when abortion is illegal. Lying for Jesus is still lying.

“Dawkins' book "The God Delusion" along with a community college biology class, have been linked to the tragic suicide of Jesse Kilgore. Kilgore had several discussions with friends and relatives in which he made it clear Dawkins' book had destroyed his belief in God. This loss of faith is considered the cause of his suicide which is not surprising given that there is evidence which suggest that atheism can be a causal factor for suicide for some individuals.”

More Conservapedia. I'd like to see the stats behind this to be honest. Sounds dodgy. I know loads of atheists, and any who have had suicidal feelings have had those for unrelated reasons. Unless you guys are hiding something from me. Also, remember kids, science makes you kill yourself.

“God chose my parents and gave me the right parents. And he gave most people the wrong parents especially the sikhs and muslims.”

Well lucky you. How old are you, five? What's your problem with the brown people anyway? I mean, I get the thing about Islam being kind of shit, but it's not like your religion is free of murderous nutjobs.

“Obama does not want black students to get a Catholic education as 99% of black high school students in Catholic high schools go to college. Obama prefers that black students go only to public high schools where teachers can brainwash black students into being abortionists and ultra liberal.”

I don't think Obama cares that much where black kids are getting their education as long as they're getting it. Pretty sure that was the theme of his speech that was broadcast in schools. You know, the ones where you guys decided to keep your kids out of school for the day, thereby depriving them of good education, in case he managed to indoctrinate them into being Communazi librul gaytheists in the space of 20 minutes. Pot, meet kettle (OH LOL INADVERTENT BLACK REFERENCE)

“I assume most atheists know whatever they've been brainwashed in high school to know and I assume it will not do anything to aid them in their burger flipping jobs.

The brainwashing includes environmentalism and a hatred of our own culture. The youth today all feel guilty and nihilistic. And we wonder why we're falling behind.”

I flipped burgers to pay for driving lessons and save up money for uni. Fuck you and your misconceptions. I'm taking this one personally, because it's not only anti-atheist but also classist. I get enough shit in real life for being working-class, let alone from strangers on the internet. Boo fucking hoo, environmentalism as well. I suppose this one thinks we don't need to look after the environment, because Baby Jesus will come to collect all the good 'Christians' (in quotes because people who actually follow Jesus don't do this stuff) and they won't need the environment any more. What about the rest of the human race? Well, we're all unbelievers, we deserve to live in a polluted wasteland.

So yeah. A nice little selection of the stuff you get to read whenever there's user-generated content that isn't made by nerds. I have no problem with letting them all continue either- they have the right to free speech, and that right applies to me too. If they can carry on posting this ridiculous shit, I can carry on making them look like the idiots they really are. Yay free speech!